World soccer update

Leaving aside Serie A for a moment, there was a lot of soccer played this weekend. The major matches include:

Chelsea 2 - Tottenham 1 (see photo above-- a goal was awarded to Chelsea despite the fact that the ball didn't cross the line)

Arsenal 1 - Manchester United 0-- The Premier League title race is not quite over yet.

Real Madrid lost to Real Zargoza, but then Barcelona lost to Real Sociedad.

Corinthians 1 - Palmeiras 1 (6-5 on penalties)-- Corinthians move on to face Santos in the finals of the Campeonato Paulista.

Video below

AEK defeated PAOK in the Greek Cup finals 3-0. The match ended a few minutes early due to rioting fans (see videos below)

Below are actual match highlights

Transfer news: Kevin Prince Boateng is coming to Milan

A.C.MILAN OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

8/18/2010

A.C. MILAN announce that the club has signed Kevin Prince Boateng on loan from Genoa Cfc.

Top photo: Boateng playing for Ghana at the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Bottom photo: Boateng failing to score a penalty kick against Chelsea at the FA Cup back in May. Additionally in the same match, Boateng injured Chelsea's Michael Ballack which prevented the German from appearing for his country at the World Cup.

Michael Essien accidentally injures a young fan

From a pre-season friendly between Chelsea and Crystal Palace

FA Cup aftermath: Michael Ballack will miss the World Cup

Above: Michael Ballack lies injured on the ground and Kevin-Prince Boateng receives a yellow card.

Germany's Michael Ballack will miss this summer's World Cup due to an injury he received playing for Chelsea in last weekend's FA Cup. The injury came on a reckless tackle by Portsmouth's Kevin-Prince Boateng. Boateng, who was born in Germany, will be playing for Ghana in this year's tournament. Ghana and Germany will meet each other on June 23. Boateng will now be remembered for more than just missing a penalty that could have given Portsmouth the lead.

FA Cup Final: Chelsea 1 - Portsmouth 0

Above: Portsmouth players attempt to console Kevin-Prince Boateng after he missed a penalty that would have given Portsmouth the lead. Moments later, Drogba scored to put Chelsea ahead.

Portsmouth's season has been a complete disaster-- relegated from the Premier League, unable to pay their players and creditors, facing possible bankruptcy. Somehow, though, they managed to make it all the way to the FA Cup Final against Chelsea. Somehow they managed to survive a first half in which Chelsea hit the goal post/cross bar five times. Somehow they managed to win a penalty early in the second half. Boateng, however, rather than scoring, managed to drive his shot straight into the feet of the diving Petr Cech. Not surprisingly, at the end of the match, Boateng could be seen on the bench with a jacket over his head to hide the fact the he was crying.

World soccer update

Above: Inter manager Jose Mourinho runs onto the field to grab a stray ball. (There also seems to be a balloon on the pitch as well.)

At one point today, first place Inter Milan were beating Chievo Verona 4-2, and Roma were losing to Cagliari 1-0. The Inter fans began celebrating, believing that the Scudetto was theirs. But then Cheivo scored, Roma scored, and then Roma scored again, and the crowd became quiet. When it was all over, both Roma and Inter had won, so the Scudetto will not be decided until next weekend, the final weekend of the season.

In other news, Chelsea beat Wigan Athletic 8-0, winning them the Premier League title. Believe it or not, eight is not the largest number of goals conceded by Wigan this season-- they gave up nine against Tottenham back in November. (Remember this the next time some Premier League-supremacist starts going on about the UK being the land of fair play and competitive football.)

Below: Chelsea celebrate their championship

Tomorrow is the last day of the Premier League season

Tomorrow is the last day of the Premier League season. Chelsea are in first place with 83 points and play at home against Wigan Athletic. Manchester United are in second place with 82 points and travel to play Stoke City. Given this situation, why would the management of Ape Canyon News Service be rooting against Chelsea and for Manchester United?

In one word-- Pato. It appears that there is a strong likelihood that Pato will follow Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti (pictured above) to Chelsea during the off season. The best chance of preventing this would be if Chelsea lose and Ancelotti is fired for losing the title on the last day. Thus, tomorrow we will be rooting (improbably) for the devil.

Now they say Kaka will be going to Real Madrid (or Chelsea)

Below: A young Kaka

Below: Back in January 2009, Milan fans had to live with rumors of Kaka going to Manchester City.

Above: Spanish dictator and long-time Real Madrid fan Francisco Franco

Match Report: Fiorentina 0 - Milan 2

In the final game of the season, Milan beat Fiorentina 2-0 (goals by Kaka and Pato).  It was Paolo Maldini's final game (number 902, to be exact).  (See picture below).  Now the way is clear for manager Carlo Ancelotti to leave - probably to go to Chelsea - to probably be replaced by Leonardo.  (See picture above - Ancelotti is on the left; Leonardo, on the right.)  If this is true, we here at Ape Canyon News Service wish Carlo all the best, even if we don't like Chelsea.  He has done a wonderful job for Milan over the years.

In case you missed it - Iniesta's goal

Picture(s) of the Day

Above: Champions League semi-final (second leg): Iniesta has just scored for Barcelona in stoppage time. Clearly the Chelsea players can't believe what has just happened. (For a larger, and better, view, click on the photo.)

Below: Minutes later, Chelsea's Michael Ballack is sure the referee just missed a hand ball in the box by Samuel Eto'o.

Barcelona will face Manchester United in Rome on May 27 in the Champions League final. For a complete report on yesterday's semi-final match, click here.

Giuseppe Mascara- striker for Calcio Catania

It has been said that Chelsea's Frank Lampard is the football player who most resembles a rodent. With his beady eyes, pointy nose, and large, protruding ears, it is true that Lampard reminds many fans of a large, blue-shirted mouse. However, there may be another player, Catania's Giuseppe Mascara , who looks even more like one. In addition to the beady eyes, pointy nose, and large, protruding ears that Lampard has, Mascara has truly jagged, rat-like teeth. Playing in Sicily for one of Serie A's less well-known teams, Mascara has not attracted the attention that comes from playing in London for one of the world's greatest teams. However, Mascara has had an outstanding season so far this year, and some believe that he may even be called up to the Italian national team.
As for his resemblance to a mouse, you can judge for yourself in the photograph below. Notice, however, that Mascara's shirt is light blue and red, not the deep, royal blue of Chelsea.

Match Report: Bordeaux 1 - Chelsea 1 (Champions League Group A)

Chelsea could have guaranteed themselves a spot in the Champions League Round of 16 with a win at Bordeaux yesterday; however, they only managed an ill-deserved tie, so they will have to beat CFR Cluj at home next month in order to advance. Bordeaux played the much stronger game, especially midfielder Yoann Gourcuff (on loan from Milan). Goals were by Nicolas Anelka for Chelsea on a fluky break-away and by Alou Diarra on a header from a corner by Gourcuff which Chelsea didn't bother to defend. Late in the match, Chelsea's Frank Lampard (below) received his second yellow card and was, therefore, kicked out of the match. Of all contemporary football players, Frank Lampard (with his beady eyes, pointy nose, and large ears) is the one who most strongly resembles a rodent.

No goals today

(Above- Nicky Butt, #22 for Newcastle, holds off Chelsea's Deco)

Today's results in the English Premier League:
Liverpool 0 - Fulham 0
Chelsea 0 - Newcastle 0
Aston Villa 0 - Manchester United 0
Manchester City 3 - Arsenal 0

So the top five in the Premiership tables scored a grand total of zero goals today. (And, yes, I did spend three-plus hours of my life watching. But, honestly, it was entertaining seeing Newcastle play defense for 90-plus minutes at Stamford Bridge while the petulant Chelsea fans got annoyed with their team. And it was also exciting to watch Man Utd. held without a goal.)

Sheva to Milan!!!

This summer has been full of rumors of Milan and Chelsea players switching between the two teams. (Kaka to Chelsea, Drogba to Milan, Pirlo to Chelsea, Ivanovic to Milan). However, the only rumor that made me happy was that Andriy Shevchenko was coming back to Milan! From 1999 to 2006 Sheva played for Milan. He won a Champions League, Scudetto, Supercoppa Italiana, Coppa Italia, and UEFA Super cup. Also, he was Serie A top scorer twice, and he was European Footballer of the Year in 2004. He came in 3rd for the FIFA world player of the year in that same year. In addition, he is the 4th highest scorer in European club competitions (Inazaghi is the first) and AC Milan's second highest scorer of all time.

He only moved to Chelsea in 2006 because his wife wanted to, and he still was in close contact with the team. He talks on the phone with Kaka on a regular basis, and even attended Maldini's 40th birthday party in June. Everyone is really happy that he's back, and Galliani ( Milan's presindent, kind of) mentioned that he shouldn't have left, but now he knows that Milan is his home. Even though this signing is mostly the result of Silvio Berlusconi (you know... Milan's owner and Italy's Prime Minister?) wanting him back, fans, players, and everyone is happy. Yay!

Champions League Final

Manchester United 1 - Chelsea 1 (6-5 on penalties)

The pitch was falling apart (which made a difference - just look at John Terry...); the rain was pelting down (always a plus); there were a lot of cheap shots with plenty of yellow cards and even, of course, a red one (moral of the story-- always keep at least one ruthless, annoying Argentinian on your squad to drive the other team crazy or provoke a fight - you never know what will happen...), the actual goals ranged from the beautiful (Cristiano Ronaldo's) to the freakishly lucky (Frank Lampard's); the penalty kicks were thrilling (especially when Ronaldo's was stopped); and, of course, the wrong team won.



Since I am lucky enough to have a job and live on the west coast of the United States, I had to tape the match and watch it some six hours after it had taken place. It was hard to imagine that the rest of the world already knew what we happening and I was still just finding out.




Everyone knows that settling a match like this on penalties is an absolute atrocity - imagine ending the seventh game of the World Series on a home run hitting competition or the Super Bowl with a Punt-Pass-Kick contest - but it was nice to see two teams I don't really like being put through the winger.



If Chelsea had put in Shevchenko, he could have taken that penalty instead of John Terry.

More bad news #2

Idea for a televsion show #1

Chelsea have not gotten much this year out of Ukrainian striker Andrei Shevchenko, but he's given me a great idea for a television show. Shevchenko's son, Jordan, has as his godfather none other than former AC Milan president and current Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (for whom Shevchenko played for many years at Milan...) So here's the idea, or, rather, several different versions:



1. Sit-com: Shevchenko and his model/wife and all his extended relatives suddenly and tragically die at some sort of family reunion. His children, Jordan and Christian (and let's throw in a made-up girl-child just to balance it all out), have to go live with their godfather, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. Imagine the hi-jinx as the Italian Prime Minister tries to raise three bratty kids while still running one of the world's most contentious democracies! (There's an American version in there, too - imagine if Ivan Rodriguez had asked G. W. Bush to be the godfather to his kids back when Rodriguez played for and G.W. owned the Texas Rangers - then imagine three darling Puerto Rican kids running around the White House, arguing over who gets to use the red phone, getting in Dick Cheney's way!)



2. Reality show: (I don't normally approve of this sort of thing...) Famous politicians are suddenly given custody of the children of dead professional athletes. Cameras follow them around to see what happens - braces, fights over the bathroom, trips to exotic foriegn locales, photo-ops with Henry Kissinger, etc.

Match Report: Chelsea 3 - Liverpool 2 (Extra Time)

It appeared to be raining quite hard.

All the goals were scored at the same end of the field.

There were more goals in the 30+ minutes of extra time than during the 90+ minutes of regular time.

In the Doctor Who episode "Smith and Jones" - the one where the Doctor first meets Martha - there are creatures called the Judoon who are basically some sort of inter-galatic rhinoceros police officers. These creatures are clearly patterned on the likeness of Chelsea manager Avram Grant.

Liverpool's Mascherano still looks like my cat.

The game was actually quite exciting and would have been satisfying except for the fact that Liverpool lost.

Liverpool's fans (and normal people from Liverpool as well) are known as Scousers.

My favorite moment was when Michael Essien's goal was dis-allowed due to Drogba being offside and interfering with the keeper.

Chelsea better beat Man Utd.