The year of ridiculous rumors continues

A few months ago, I never would have thought things like this were even worth mentioning. But now, you never know.

Serie A - Ronaldinho wants Kaka return

AC Milan 2009-2010 Season Statistical Highlights

Here are the statistical leaders for AC Milan during the 2009-2010 Serie A season:

Most games played: Ronaldinho (36)

Most games started: Ronaldinho (34)

Most minutes played: Andrea Pirlo (2952)

Most minutes played without scoring a goal (goalies excluded): Andrea Pirlo (2952)*

Most goals scored: Marco Borriello (14)

Most yellow cards: Massimo Ambrosini & Mathieu Flamini (10)

Most red cards: Massimo Ambrosini & Mathieu Flamini (2)

Fewest minutes played (of players who appeared at all): Rodney Strasser (7)

*Pirlo's amazing goal against Real Madrid came in the Champions League.

Below: Gennaro Gattuso received eight yellow cards this season. Here is a picture of the last one.

Match report: Milan 3 - Juventus 0

• Goals scored: Antonini 14', Ronaldinho 29', 67'
• What happened: Antonini scored the first goal of his AC Milan career. Ronaldinho scored two goals. The Juventus fans set off numerous explosions and sang derogatory songs and had to be warned over the public address system that play would be halted if they did not stop.
• Aggregate score of the two Milan-Juventus matches this season: 6-0 (Milan)
• Reasons why fans of both teams were unhappy: Juventus finished in seventh place and had a truly terrible season (for them). Milan did about as well as can be expected and finished in third. Milan fans are upset that the team has not spent more money to bring in top quality players in recent years and also that first year coach Leonardo (pictured above congratulating Antonini on his goal and pictured below being bid farewell by his team) is being forced out by Silvio Berlusconi. The fans repeatedly sang songs in honor of Leonardo until he acknowledged them with a wave.

Below: Milan fans with an enormous set of banners. The internet translates the bottom one as "President failed AWOL".

• Milan personnel who officially said goodbye at today's match: Leonardo and Favalli
• Milan personnel who may have played their last match for the team today: Dida, Inzaghi, Ronaldinho, and about a dozen others
• What this match teaches us: Milan's Serie A 2009-2010 season is over. This means that my daughter will soon be home from her (almost) year in Brazil.

Below are highlights:

Below you can watch the Milan players and staff force Leonardo to come out on the pitch for one last goodbye:

Match report: Milan 1 - Fiorentina 0

• Goals scored: Ronaldinho 77' (penalty)
• What happened: Milan was awarded a somewhat problematic penalty. Ronaldinho scored on the kick. (See video below)

• Why this win was important: Milan need to finish in third place in order to guarantee a spot in the Champions League next season. Fourth place may not be good enough, because if Inter fail to beat Bayern Munich in the Champions League final (and not on penalties), then Serie A may lose its fourth Champions League spot. (See correction below)
• Milan players who received red cards today: Ambrosini
• Strange statistics cited by today's match commentator: According to the man on the television, today was Dida's 300th Serie A appearance in goal for Milan. In that time, Dida has allowed 2,423 goals. This would mean that Dida has allowed slightly more than 8 goals per game.
• Strange things heard on today's broadcast: There are appeared to be a large group of children at today's match. They could be heard chanting things such as, "Milan! Milan! Milan!" or "Borriello! Borriello! Borriello!" (when Borriello momentarily appeared to have hurt his ankle). Even more strangely, they appeared to have brought some sort of annoying plastic horn with them to help them in their chants. Two of the other popular chants were, "Milan! Honk! Honk! Milan! Honk! Honk! Milan! Honk! Honk!" and "Milan! Honk! Honk! Honk! Milan! Honk! Honk! Honk! Milan! Honk! Honk! Honk!" At times it appeared that the adult Milan fans were cheering extra loud in an attempt to drown the children out.
• What else happened in Serie A today: Roma beat Parma, to temporarily take back first place. Inter play Lazio tomorrow.
• What this match teaches us: Milan's only goal-scoring strategy seems to be falling down in the hope of being awarded penalties. Sometimes it works.

Highlights are below:

Correction: I believe that this is not completely accurate. The reduction in Champions League spots apparently would not take effect until after next season. Milan have guaranteed themselves a spot in next year's Champions League no matter what.

Match report: Milan 1 - Napoli 1

• Goals scored: Campagnaro 13', Inzaghi 26'
• What happened: With Inter's 1-1 tie against Palermo yesterday, Milan would have moved into first place in the Serie A if they had won this match. They did not, however.
• Milan players who were unable to play today due to injury: Nesta, Bonera, Borriello, Abate, Beckham (there are more)
• Milan players who returned from injury to start today's match but were unable to finish the match due to injury: Pato
• Combined age of Milan's starting eleven: 336 years old (average age=30.545454 years old)
• Milan players who celebrated their birthday today: Ronaldinho
• Ronaldinho's current age: 30 years old
• Treatments commonly used by Serie A trainers to help injured players who are lying on the pitch: Pouring water on the affected area, spraying the affected area with magic spray, massage, slapping injured players lovingly but repeatedly in the face
• Milan's place in the standings: Second, one point behind Inter
• What this match teaches us: Milan are still in second place

Match report: Milan 3 - Udinese 2

• Goals scored: Huntelaar 7', Pato 39', Floro Flores 45', Huntelaar 57', Di Natale 86'
• What happened: Milan kept scoring but also played sloppily, so they kept letting Udinese back in the match. I spent most of the match worrying about injuries.
• Milan players who could not play due to injury: Seedorf, Borriello, Antonini
• Milan players who returned today from injury: Nesta, Pato
• Milan players who had to leave early due to possible injury: Mancini, Thiago Silva (!)
• Milan players who appear to be quite rusty despite having scored a goal: Pato
• Milan player who made the pass that led to each of Milan's goals: Ronaldinho. The second one, a long pass down the middle of the field to Pato, was especially nice.
• Famous visitors to the San Siro to watch the match: Sir Alex Ferguson
• Strange sightings from today's match: Escorting the referees down the tunnel to the pitch were three men dressed as admirals/hotel doormen. (Sorry, no photo was available)
• What this match teaches us: Manchester United are coming on Tuesday.

Match report: Milan 4 - Siena 0

Above: Borriello scores

• Goals scored: Ronaldinho (penalty) 12', Borriello 28', Ronaldinho 72', Ronaldinho 89'
• What happened: Milan are in second place in Serie A; Siena are in last. Siena lost their goalkeeper to a red card in the first ten minutes. I spent most of the game worrying that Milan players would get hurt.
• Milan players who scored a hat trick today: Ronaldinho
• Milan players whose goals are always spectacular-looking: Borriello-- today he took a pass from Pirlo and volleyed it in even though he was turned away from goal.
• Milan players who appeared to be possibly injured today: Nesta, Pirlo, Gattuso, Flamini and Antonini
• Milan players who were taken off either because they actually were injured or as a precaution: Nesta and Flamini
• Order of excellence of Milan's regular starting defenders this year: Thiago Silva, Nesta, Antonini, Abate
• How David Beckham has done so far: Nothing special
• Most interesting rumor reported by the announcer: Last week the Milan players were watching Inter play Siena on television. Inter was losing late but came back to win in injury time. When the game was over, one of the Milan players was so angry that they destroyed the television set.
• Who Milan play next: Inter
• What this match teaches us: Next Sunday's match against Inter is very, very important.

Above: Milan coach Leonardo stands on the sidelines

Below: David Beckham looks at the ball

Highlights are below:

Match report: Juventus 0 - Milan 3

Above-- Nesta celebrating his goal

Below-- Gattuso in action

• Goals scored: Nesta 29', Ronaldinho 72', Ronaldinho 88'
• What happened: Second place Milan beat third place Juventus in Torino. Despite the excellent result, the match was sort of boring.
• How the goals were scored: All three goals were from corner kicks, which apparently Juventus do not know how to defend anymore. Actually, to be fair, I am not sure how well Juventus defended on the last goal, because the pitch was completely obscured, either by fog or else smoke from the fire set by angry fans. (See photos below)
• What this match teaches us: Milan are the only team left who can catch Inter.

Highlights are below:

Match report: Milan 5 - Genoa 2

• Goals scored: Sculli 25', Ronaldinho (penalty) 32', Thiago Silva 38', Borriello 48', Borriello 60', Huntelaar (penalty) 74', Suazo 79'
• What happened: Genoa scored first and last but still lost badly. Milan had three penalties-- Ronaldinho missed the first one, made the second, and Huntelaar made the last.
• Milan players who made their first appearances in a long time: Gattuso, Jankulovski, Beckham
• Milan players who were hit in the face: Nesta, Antonini, Ronaldinho
• Number of Milan penalties that were not deserved: Zero
• Why Huntelaar took the last penalty: Beckham and Ronaldinho were insisting that each other take it-- Ambrosini stepped in and gave the ball to Huntelaar. (At least that's how it looked to me). It is widely rumored that Huntelaar will be leaving Milan this month.
• Player of the game: Ambrosini-- he repeatedly charged the defenders in the box with the ball. He won the first two of Milan's penalty kicks.
• Nicest goal: Borriello's second-- a twisting bicycle kick that just snuck in at the post. (Replays showed that he was barely offside; however, the linesman missed the call.)
• My favorite goal: Thiago Silva's-- chaos in the box followed by a goal by a defender
• Who Milan play next: Juventus
• Milan players the announcer said were unable to play due to injury: Pato and Seedorf
• What this match teaches us: Take the ball and head toward the goal.

Above: Huntelaar takes his penalty kick.

Click here for highlights.

Match report: Milan 4 - Cagliari 3

• Goals scored: Seedorf 5', Matri 9', Lazzari 30', Borriello 38', Pato 40', Ronaldinho 62' (penalty), Nene 69'
• What happened: Milan scored first. Then Cagliari scored twice. Then Milan scored three times in a row. Then Cagliari scored.
• Which goal was the best: Pato's
• Milan players who could not play due to suspension: Nesta
• Milan players who played very well: Ronaldinho, Pato, Borriello, Dida
• Milan players who played very badly: Pirlo. He was basically unable to run, pass, or keep control of the ball.
• Milan players who played very, very badly: Kaladze. He filled in for Nesta and contributed to all three Cagliari goals.
• Things Kaladze seemed unable to do today: Mark opposing players, clear the ball, execute the offside trap.
• Milan players who made their first appearance of the season and who look eerily like Seedorf even down to the white shoes: Rodney Strasser
• What this match teaches us: Without Nesta, Milan's defense appears to be terrible.

Above: Borriello scores Milan's second goal

Below: Ronaldinho scores Milan's fourth goal

Below: Leonardo congratulates Ronaldinho

Highlights are below:

Match report: Milan 1 - Madrid 1

• Goals scored: Benzema 29', Ronaldinho 35' (penalty)
• Why Milan received a penalty kick: Zambrotta tried to cross a ball in the box. Pepe slid across and blocked the ball with his hands raised. The ball struck either his arm or his armpit, and the referee awarded a penalty.
• Ronaldinho's penalty: High, hard, and to the corner. No goalie in the world could have stopped it.
• Number of Milan goals incorrectly disallowed: One. In the 36th minute, Pirlo was fouled at midfield. He quickly took the free kick and passed it up to Pato. Pato brought the ball down in the box, took a quick shot and scored. The referee waived off the goal. Why? Offside? Handball? Pushing a defender? None of these seemed to have applied.
• Overall tenor of the game: Exciting first half; tired, lethargic, and lackluster second half
• Milan players who played well: Ronaldinho hustled at both ends of the field, made some nice passes, and scored an excellent penalty. Ambrosini played excellent defense, taking the ball off Kaka at least three times. (His offensive play was not as good, however.)
• Milan players with the power to both frighten and amaze: Dida. On the goal, he gave up a rebound off a shot by Kaka. The rebound went straight to Benzema who scored. Sometimes he seemed incapable of catching the ball. On the other hand, his injury time save against Raul at the end of the game was outstanding.
• Milan player who got knocked around a lot by Madrid: Pato
• Madrid player who got knocked around a lot by Milan: Pepe
• Other rumors about Milan: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi appears willing to sell AC Milan if the right bidder can be found.
• What this match teaches us: Soccer players play many games each season and get tired after awhile.

Below: Ambrosini takes the ball away from Kaka.

Match report: Milan 2 - Parma 0

• Goals scored: Borriello 12', Borriello 90+3'
• What happened: Milan scored early. I spent the rest of the game dreading a repeat of Wednesday's blown lead against Napoli. Then Milan scored again.
• Who set up Borriello's goals: Ronaldinho made nice passes on both plays.
• About Parma: This is their first year back in Serie A, and they are doing quite well. Prior to yesterday's match, they were in fourth place. One of their strikers is Alberto Paloschi, whose contract is co-owned by Milan and Parma.
• Dida's game: Dida played quite well, with an excellent save on a long shot and another on a close header.
• Milan players who have returned from injury: Gattuso
• Milan players who were injured during the match: Antonini
• Strangest yellow card I have ever seen: Ronaldinho received a yellow card in the 42nd minute. The ball had gone out for a Milan throw-in. Ronaldinho went to take it. Before he could get the ball, another Milan player got a different ball from the ball person and threw it in. When Ronaldinho looked up to throw his ball in, he saw that there already was a ball on the pitch. He dropped his ball in such a way that it also rolled onto the field. The referee had to stop play due to there being two balls on the pitch, and he gave Ronaldinho a yellow card for delay of game.
• What this match teaches us: Always score more goals, especially late in the game.

Below are highlights--

Pictures of the Day: more from Milan 2-- Roma 1

Above: Menez scores for Roma early on.

Above: Ronaldinho makes a penalty kick.

Above: Pato has taken the ball around the goalkeeper and is about to score.

Match report: Milan 2 - Roma 1

• Goals scored: Menez 3', Ronaldinho 57' (penalty), Pato 67'
• Number of Milan players who made absolutely terrible, failed back passes to the keeper that resulted in Roma goals: 1 (Thiago Silva)
• Number of Milan players sent off: 1 (Ambrosini)
• Number of semi-dubious penalties awarded to Milan by referee Roberto Rosetti: 1 (Burdisso on Nesta)
• Number of teams that did not deserve to win: 2 (AC Milan and AS Roma)
• Number of loud explosions: 1
• Where you might find Pato these days: Near midfield, over by the right touchline, making everybody wonder what in the world he is doing over there. Probably only Leonardo knows.
• Place Milan are now in: 8th
• What this match teaches us: Sometimes teams play badly and still manage to win.
• Questions for further research: Does this team have any chance at all in Wednesday's Champions League match against Real Madrid?

For highlights, watch the video below:

Some matches are not shown on television. There is probably a good reason for that.

Atalanta 1- Milan 1

Prior to this match, Atalanta was in 19th place in the Serie A table. (Milan was not much better at 12th). Atalanta scored in the first half and Milan spent the entire game trying to catch up. Ronaldinho finally scored late to break a long goalless drought for himself and the team. (See photo above). He may or may not have saved Leonardo his job.

In other news:

• David Beckham is said to be close to reaching a deal to return to Milan once the MLS season is over.
• Ronaldinho has been fined for staying out too late at night several days before Milan's disastrous Champions League match against FC Zurich.

Match report: Milan 0 - Bari 0

• Goals scored: None.
• Milan's offense: Inept, unimaginative, uninspired, feeble, tired, crabby, frustrated, old.
• Milan's defense: Don't worry if your defenders are beaten again and again-- just let Marco Storari make yet another unbelievable save.
• Number of unbelievable saves by Marco Storari: 4.
• Number of players who are well-loved by manager Leonardo and get to play all the time despite visual evidence that they are walking disasters: 2- Oddo and Abate.
• Number of world-famous players whose talents appear to have completely disappeared: 1- Ronaldinho.
• Number of people whose jobs are in serious jeopardy: 1- Leonardo (see photo below).

• Number of teams who deserved to win today: 1- Bari.
• What this match teaches us: Milan is currently doomed.

Match report: Udinese 1- Milan 0

• Goals scored: Di Natale 22'
• Milan's offense: Milan held the ball for much of the game, but they did not look close to scoring, especially for the first two-thirds. Pato and Inzaghi looked sluggish and unimaginative. When Ronaldinho and Huntelaar were brought on to replace the two starters, things became more exciting. But they still did not score.
• A word to describe the match: Brutal. It was surprising that no one was seriously hurt.
• Best impersonation of Gattuso: Flamini for getting two yellow cards in under 90 seconds. (See photo above)
• It is not nice to point fingers, but other players played badly also: Massimo Oddo spent most of the evening ruining the offside trap and single-handedly putting Udinese players on onside. Also, Gianluca Zambrotta does not appear to be able to kick the ball with his left foot.
• What this match teaches us: It may never be possible to figure out why this team can't score goals.

(Un)happy birthday, Thiago Silva

AC Milan defender Thiago Silva (above right) celebrates his 25th birthday today. Unfortunately, during practice at Milanello, he suffered what is being described as a "muscular strain to his right leg," and may miss the next three games (tomorrow, Sunday, and next Wednesday).

Below: Ronaldinho, Pato, and Thiago Silva

Match report: Siena 1 - AC Milan 2

Milan started off their season today with a 2-1 victory in Siena. Here are the important statistics:

• Goals scored: Pato 29', Ghezzal 34', Pato 48'
• Goals scored by AC Milan which were correctly disallowed for offside: 1 (22'- Ronaldinho took a free kick and it wound up in the net. Either Pato deflected it with his head or obstructed the goalkeeper. In either event, he was offside.)
• Milan players unable to play due to suspensions from last season: 1 -- Huntelaar
• Surprising Milan starters: 1 -- Marco Storari (goalkeeper)
• Milan substitutions: Ambrosini replaced Gattuso early in the second half
• Number of Milan starters who appeared to be very tan: 11
• Number of Milan starters who still resemble actor Chevy Chase: 1 -- Marco Borriello (see photos below)

It might be hard to tell which one is which.

• Number of loud explosions : 0
• Number of Milan yellow cards: 1 -- Pato for dissent
• Number of amazing bicycle kicks that would have been goals except for great saves: 1 -- by Ronaldinho
• Number of Siena players with bloody noses: 1
• Number of Siena players with amusing names: 1 -- Reginaldo
• Number of excellent performances by Milan players that probably went unnoticed: 2 -- Flamini and Borriello (the latter especially on defense)
• Number of minutes played by Pippo Inzaghi: 0
• Number of times Inzaghi was called offside: 0
• Notable accomplishments: Milan managed to hold on to the lead for 45 whole minutes.
• Other notable aspects of the game: There was a lot of yelling, pushing and shoving after the final whistle.
• What this match teaches us: Pato might score a lot of goals this year.

For more information, click here.

Picture of the Day