Brazil's Worst TV

While I'm on a blog writing role, and since TV is such an inspiring topic, I'm going to give you a review of Brazil's worst TV (and don't worry, there was plenty of bad TV to pick from!). My suggestion, if moving to Brazil, invest in Sky Gato (Brazil's hijacked version of cable) so you can watch Friends with Portuguese subtitles to your heart's content...

I guess I'll just start off with the worst and get the shock over with. Maybe it's a Brazilian thing, but foreigners will NEVER be able to ajust to Panico... Maybe we just get kind of uncomfortable with the 10 second butt close ups. Or maybe we're just too mature for poop fights. Or maybe we no longer have the sense of humor of a five year old and like to see people hitting each other, making fun of each other, making fun of other people, and eating whatever they can blend together. But to a lot of the Brazilian's that I met, puke is fun! So, after that flattering introduction, I hope it can stand up to the expectations!Give it up for your favorite, 12 year old boy humor style show, PANICO!



I hope you're all as disturbed as the rest of Brazil was when we saw that... But if that wasn't enough, how bought a little beach action with Antonio Nunes?



So yeah... Panico is just... bad.


My next show on Brazil's Worst, will have to be ... our very own... Woody Woodpecker! Otherwise known as the national hero, Pica Pau! It's not really any worse in Portuguese than in English, but it's still... Pica Pau...




Next up is " Vai da Namoro! " The thing about this show, is that I rather enjoy watching it, but even I can admit that it's just a very, very stupid show. It's a dating show that's inherently pretty simple. Pair them up, make them kiss, with little intervals of the presenter dancing in women's clothes.


Then, when you pass the five good channels, you will enter the territory of the truly wretched. This includes, almost exclusively, religious TV, and "rural tv." And I have an example of the latter right here: The "Virtual Auctions" show almost 24/7 and are a great chance to get a view of the local livestock! They can be yours, with just one call! And it is essentially this for ... all the time.



And how about some of that religious tv for ya'? Basic Idea: (Ex): Man is chronically ill, preacher preaches for him, he is cured. Hint on how hokey this is? Not even the Brazilian's believe any of it.



Okay, I think with that I'll leave you for the night, but now without letting you see my personal least favorite, often shown on any give 5/30 of the "working channels" during any given moment:



But don't worry! It's not all THIS bad!

Brazilian Soap Opera Openers!

During my year in Brazil, I was exposed to almost 20 different (and all eagerly followed by the local population) soap operas, called Novelas! In Brazil, Novela is a way of life, and by living there, you will hear their theme songs enough to have them permanently ingrained in your soul. So these following clips are songs that will stay with me forever- for better... or worse. :S

This first is from the novela, Viver a Vida (Live Life), which was the evening novela, and therefore the most popular, during my most important TV watching months (aka, the last few, when I actually understood the stuff they said) :

This Novela, was replacing one from earlier on in the year, called Caminho das Indias (translated by the International Soap Opera awards- or whatever they're called - as " India, a Love Story." But I'd called it "The Indian Way." ). I got to Brazil when this Novela was in it's heyday. And I hated it... being that I couldn't actually understand a single word that they said. But the Indian style music is pretty catchy!



Now we have my personal favorite, a Novela that was actually shown for the second time, Alma Gemea. This one really represented my growth in the Portuguese language, because I started watching her when I first arrived and didn't understand a word, and by the end, I was hanging on every word. This is a "spritualist" novela, so (spoiler alert!) ends with the lovers dying, but being reborn as other couples in the future, and the villain bursting into flames and seeing images of her wrong deeds among the flames. Oh well, all's well that ends well.... And I can sing the whole theme song!



And here is the next Spiritualist Novela... Esctiro nas Estelas (Written in the Stars), which I would watch under NO circumstances... It's like... Dude, I'm sorry your son died and is watching you, but can we like... get over ourselves now?



Okay, this next one is really tough for me. This Novela, Paraiso, (I'm sorry I'm missing the accents), was one of the worst things I saw on Brazilian TV. And that is a REALLY impressive thing... I mean, the opening scene is about horses in love... which is cute, but misleading, because the show is mostly about middle aged people's romantic difficulties... But on the other hand, I LOVE this song by Vitor e Leo! So normally, I'd just watch the opening and then turn the TV off!



And finally, (though not the last of the Novelas, but a long run!), my personal favorite song: the theme from Caras e Bocas (Faces and Mouths). This Novela was pretty silly (okay, downright stupid. I mean, it ended with monkeys falling in love....) it had it's dramatic moments (picture this: blind lady's fiance takes her out to a river, falls, hits his head, and she is now left to find a way home and save them both!) and I found it watchable when Everybody Hate's Chris (Todo Mundo Odeia Chris) wasn't on.

What I've been watching lately

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