Match report: Milan 1 - Bologna 0

• Goals Scored: Flamini 8' (See photo above-- the ball is visible just over Flamini's shoulder)
• What happened: Milan scored early and held on to win. They are in first place-- eight points ahead of Inter and nine ahead of Napoli with three matches left.
• What it was like to watch this match: Milan are good; Bologna are not. Milan had a reason try hard; Bologna did not. Milan scored early; Bologna did not. Milan had many other chances to score; Bologna did not. Therefore, watching this match was nothing less than pure torture-- for eighty-two+ minutes Milan were one stupid/flukey/extraordinary play away from disaster.
• Number of wide open headers Bologna missed during the second half: 2 (Like I said-- pure torture)
• Bologna player sent off undeservedly with a straight red card late in the second half: Della Rocca
• Evidence that there is a conspiracy to give Milan the Scudetto this season: Della Rocca's sending off, which completely ended Bologna's attacking threat. A penalty awarded to Milan against Napoli on February 28th for a debatable handball.
• Evidence that there is a conspiracy to prevent Milan from winning the Scudetto this season: The three game suspension given to Ibrahimovic for talking disrespectfully to the linesman at the end of Milan's 3-0 victory over Sampdoria.
• Milan players who made their debut today: Giacomo Beretta
• Milan players whose wives/girlfriends have apparently had babies recently: Antonio Cassano, Robinho, Thiago Silva, Urby Emanuelson
• What this match teaches us: Milan will win the Scudetto this season.

Below: Before the match, a video of Pope John Paul II was shown at the San Siro.

Below: Flamini doesn't score many goals, and certainly none as important as this one.

I watched an entire season of soccer for this?

Inter Milan won this year's Coppa Italia (goal by Milito). They won the Scudetto on the final day (goal by Milito). Then they won the Champions League final (2-0, goals by Milito-- when I wrote that Milito was a player to watch out for, I didn't mean latter that same day). The only remaining question was how quickly Jose Mourinho would announce that he is leaving Inter Milan. The only bright spot for AC Milan fans is that Inter's win means that that Serie A will still have four Champions League slots instead of three (at least for the next couple of years). I am not sure why anyone would want to watch the highlights, but here they are.

Serie A update: Massimo Moratti celebrates his birthday

Italian oil tycoon Massimo Moratti (pictured above) celebrated his 65th birthday today by traveling to Siena to watch the team he owns (Inter Milan) play against 19th place AC Siena. Inter needed either a win or a Roma tie/loss in order to win their fifth straight Serie A title. At one point in the second half, however, Roma were winning and Inter were still stuck in a goalless draw.

Luckily for Mr. Moratti, Diego Milito finally scored for Inter (see photo below) and Inter went on to win 1-0.

Below: Zanetti and Milito (right) celebrate the game's only goal

Above: Inter celebrate

Below: Inter coach Jose Mourinho waves his commemorative t-shirt. Up next for Inter-- the Champions League final against Bayern Munich

Some people might say, "Happy birthday, Massimo Moratti!" Those sorts of people might also enjoy watching the highlights below. Others wouldn't.

World soccer update

Above: Inter manager Jose Mourinho runs onto the field to grab a stray ball. (There also seems to be a balloon on the pitch as well.)

At one point today, first place Inter Milan were beating Chievo Verona 4-2, and Roma were losing to Cagliari 1-0. The Inter fans began celebrating, believing that the Scudetto was theirs. But then Cheivo scored, Roma scored, and then Roma scored again, and the crowd became quiet. When it was all over, both Roma and Inter had won, so the Scudetto will not be decided until next weekend, the final weekend of the season.

In other news, Chelsea beat Wigan Athletic 8-0, winning them the Premier League title. Believe it or not, eight is not the largest number of goals conceded by Wigan this season-- they gave up nine against Tottenham back in November. (Remember this the next time some Premier League-supremacist starts going on about the UK being the land of fair play and competitive football.)

Below: Chelsea celebrate their championship

Mid-week soccer update

In addition to fighting to win this year's Scudetto, Inter and Roma also faced each other in the finals of this year's Coppa Italia. Inter won 1-0, on a goal by Diego Milito. (See video below)

Apparently, at the end of the match, things got pretty vicious.


In other news, Tottenham Hotspur (pictured celebrating below) beat Manchester City 1-0 to claim fourth place in the Premier League. Spurs will be in next year's Champions League. Manchester City will not.

Bizarre and disturbing match report: Lazio 0 - Inter 2

Above: Lazio fans react to one of Inter's goals

This was a very odd and unpleasant game to watch. Half the Lazio players appeared to be trying their best, while the others just seemed to walk around the pitch like zombies. The Lazio fans were completely rooting for their team to lose so as to foil the Scudetto hopes of cross-town rivals Roma. The way the crowd reacted to everything, you might have been fooled into thinking that the match was being played in Milan. It was not, despite the whistles every time a Lazio player did something useful and the constant cheers for Inter.

Below: Lazio's goalie, Muslera, annoys the home fans by diving bravely for the ball.

Highlights are below. Inter are now back in first place with two games left.

World football update: random news

• Real Madrid news: Real Madrid's friendly this week against an Albanian team called Gramozi was delayed for over an hour due to a power failure in the Albanian capital of Tirana. The Albanian Socialist Party announced that "Albania has been made a laughing stock." Real Madrid won the match 2-1.
• Ridiculous rumor of the week: Reports have speculated that Real Madrid's Kaka may be leaving the team due to his poor performance so far this year. According to rumors, one likely destination is his former club, AC Milan.
• Derby della Madonnina update: This Sunday, Inter will host Milan in the Derby della Madonnina. This game is especially important this year because Milan have fought their way back into the race for the Scudetto after a terrible start to the season. Milan, however, are worried about injuries to many of their most important players, including Nesta, Seedorf, Pato, and Flamini.

Happy Birthday Wishes!

Happy birthday wishes to Vujadin Boskov - born on May 16, 1931. Boskov played professionally in Yugoslavia, Italy, and Switzerland, as well as for the Yugoslav national team. He is more famous as a coach - he has coached in many European countries, including Italy, the Netherlands, Spain (at Real Madrid), and as the manager of the Yugoslav national team. His greatest success came during the 1990-1991 season when he led Sampdoria to their only Scudetto.

Boskov is famous for his many quotations, including:

• "The game ends when the referee blows his whistle."
• "The team that wins the championship is the one with the most points."
• "It is better to lose 3-0 once than 1-0 three times."

Once again, from all of us here at Ape Canyon News Service, happy birthday, Vujadin!

Milan 1 - Juventus 1

Milan tied Juventus 1-1 today, pretty much ending whatever incredibly remote chance there was that they could catch Inter and win this year's Scudetto.  The tie also means that Juventus still have their own (remote) chance of catching Milan for second place in Serie A.  Seedorf scored for Milan early in the second half, but then Iaquinta tied it up only a couple of minutes later.  The most important statistics are these, however:

• Number of loud explosions set off by the fans during the match: 6.
• Numbers of times Inzaghi was whistled for being offside: 4

Photo above: Paolo Maldini, right, playing his last match against Juventus before his retirement, chases Juventus' Amauri.

All's done in Serie A: Game day 38

BOOOOO!

This morning, nothing was decided in Italy. Relegation, scudetto, and Champions League spots were all still very open. Unfortunately, some teams were on the losing end of the games. Inter, Catania, and Fiorentina all grabbed the wins (or draws, in Catania's case) they needed. Milan and Roma won, but their efforts were "truly academic," as their destinies were really determined by Fiorentina and Inter. Parma lost, sealing their own destiny: to return to Serie B.

Inter 2- Parma 0
Inter are the scudetto winners for the third consecutive year, and the 16th time in history.
Parma will be relegated to Serie B, along with Empoli and Livorno.

Roma 1- Catania 1
Roma finish the season second. Their win was irrelevant as Inter won anyway.
Catania narrowly escaped relegation (by one point!).

Fiorentina 1- Torino 0
Fiorentina pull off the win they need to participate in the 2008-09 Champions League.
Torino were safe from relegation and had little to play for. They could have given Milan a hand, though.

Milan 4- Udinese 1
Milan finish two points behind Fiorentina, so they will have to settle for the UEFA cup. This will make certain Italian prime ministers unhappy.
Udinese were also playing for very little, as they have already qualified for the UEFA cup.




Above (right to left): Pato, Pirlo, and Kaka celebrate after Pato scores the equaliser against Udinese, Luciano Spalletti looks sad after his team (Roma) fails to win the scudetto, Javier Zanetti lifts Inter's scudetto trophy.