Late Breaking News Flash!

According to today's Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

"The Seattle Sounders FC and Soccer United Marketing combined to organize the match and brought in a natural grass surface that was laid down over the FieldTurf for the match."

So tonight's friendly at Qwest Field between Brazil and Canada will be played on grass after all, unlike the Mexico - China match a few months ago.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" some might ask. All we can do is shake our heads and try not to cry.

Brazil v. Canada (friendly) Preview

I'm going to give you a brief introduction to all the Brazil players who will be on the squad for their up-coming friendly against Canada this Saturday, May 31, 2008 here in Seattle.

Goalies-

(Julio Cesar)

Julio Cesar- (Inter), previously played for Chievo, Verona, and Flamengo. He's 28 years old, is married to a Brazillian supermodel/actress and has two kids. PS- we don't like him!

Diego Alves- don't know much about him. He's 22 and he plays for a team called Almeria. I don't even know what country that team's from.

Doni- (Roma), played for Juventude, Curzero, Santos, and Corinthians. He's 28 and one of the best goalies in Serie A.

Defense-

(Maicon)

Daniel Alves- (Sevilla), he's 25 and an attacking winger... hmmm, what does that mean?

Gilberto- (Tottenham), played for Hertha Berling, Gremio, Inter, Cruzerio, Flamengo, and America. He's 32 and his brother are also footballers... but not as good.

Maicon- (Inter), hey, we saw this guy get a nasty bump on the head the other day. He's bald... his name was supposed to be Michael Douglas at birth, but the hospital messed up and named him Maicon Douglas... not sure if I believe this.

Henrique- (Palmeiras) almost no info on this guy. He's 24 and his last name is Buss.

Juan- (Roma), the Champions League announcers said this guy's name really weirdly. He played for Bayer Leverkusen and Flamengo. He's 29 years old and described as a 'consistent' player.

Luisaoo- (Benfica)- he's bald too. He's supposed to go to Portsmouth in the off season.

Marcelo- (Real Madrid)- he's 20 and apparently he once quit football because he's so poor.

Midfield

(Gilberto Silva)

Gilberto Silva (Arsenal)- this guy seems like an interesting guy. He would be a furniture maker if he wasn't a footballer (it's the family trade), and he plays the mandolin.

Josue (Wolfsburg), formerly of Sao Paulo. He's 28. That's about it.

Diego- (Werder Bremen), he played for Porto and Santos before. He's 23 years older and he's 5ft. 8.5"

Elano- (Manchester City), he's 26 and is known for scoring from a distance

Anderson- (Manchester United), played for Porto and Gremio before. He made his penalty kick in the Champions League. Darn.

Forwards-

(Pato)

Luis Fabiano- (Sevilla), he's played for Porto, Sao Paulo, Rennes, and some team called Ponte Preto. He's 27 and apparently his mom was once kidnapped for 61 days!

Alexandre Pato- (Milan) formerly of Internacional. He's they're little prodigy... his nickname means the duck... when he was 10, he broke his arm in training and they found a tumor... ooooh... (oh, and he's like my favorite player in the world)

Robinho- (Real Madrid), played for Santos (didn't everyone), he's 24 and had 15 goals this season. Oh, and his mom was once kidnapped too.

Adriano- (Sao Paulo, on loan from Inter). He's 26 and was sent back to Brazil because of his partying and alcohol problems.

Rafael Sobis- (Real Betis)- he's 22 and has played for Inter (in Brazil), Cruzerio, and Corinthians.

Kaka' has knee surgery!

Ricky Kaka, after a season of pain in his left knee, was given arthroscopic knee surgery by Dr. Jose Luiz Runco in Rio, on Friday. (Unfortunately, he will miss the US friendlies, but I will live, as it is crucial that he makes a recovery before the season starts up again). The pictures above are of him arriving at and leaving the hospital.

What to do about Bert #1

Over ten years ago, my sister and brother-in-law went to a fundraising auction for one of their son's preschools. While there, they bought Bert - he's over four feet tall and was once used as a photographer's prop, I believe. Instead of keeping Bert, they gave him to me (for obvious reasons). Bert has lived in at least two apartments and one house with us.



Since the day Bert first set one of his over-sized, brown-and-white shoes inside our door, my wife has wanted him out. Years of arguments have finally convinced me that, for the good of my marriage, Bert has got to go. However, I am having trouble deciding exactly what to do with him. Below is a list of possibilities I have come up with so far:



1. A Viking funeral (put Bert into a boat or canoe, set him on fire, and launch him onto Lake Washington)

2. Bonfire/cremation (on land)

3. List Bert on Craig's List for free



Here's the problems as I see them -- options 1 and 2 have serious environmental and legal drawbacks; options 3 puts me into close proximity with lots and lots of weirdos.



That's why I have decided to turn to you, the many loyal readers of Ape Canyon News Service, to help decide what to do with Bert. Please leave suggestions in the comments section of this posting, or contact the editor directly at yonsosa@gmail.com with your suggestions. If anybody can come up with a better suggestion than mine, they will have the honor of knowing they have helped restore peace and tranquility to my home.



Look carefully! You will find him!

Avanti Popolo #2

Notice how the creator of this video carefully alternates between pictures of Che and pictures of hammers and sickles.

Champions League Final

Manchester United 1 - Chelsea 1 (6-5 on penalties)

The pitch was falling apart (which made a difference - just look at John Terry...); the rain was pelting down (always a plus); there were a lot of cheap shots with plenty of yellow cards and even, of course, a red one (moral of the story-- always keep at least one ruthless, annoying Argentinian on your squad to drive the other team crazy or provoke a fight - you never know what will happen...), the actual goals ranged from the beautiful (Cristiano Ronaldo's) to the freakishly lucky (Frank Lampard's); the penalty kicks were thrilling (especially when Ronaldo's was stopped); and, of course, the wrong team won.



Since I am lucky enough to have a job and live on the west coast of the United States, I had to tape the match and watch it some six hours after it had taken place. It was hard to imagine that the rest of the world already knew what we happening and I was still just finding out.




Everyone knows that settling a match like this on penalties is an absolute atrocity - imagine ending the seventh game of the World Series on a home run hitting competition or the Super Bowl with a Punt-Pass-Kick contest - but it was nice to see two teams I don't really like being put through the winger.



If Chelsea had put in Shevchenko, he could have taken that penalty instead of John Terry.

More bad news #2

Avanti popolo!

Poor Pippo...

Super Pippo (Milan's Fillipo Inzaghi) has not been chosen by Donadoni (the Azzuri's coach) to represent Italy in Euro 2008. Meanwhile, Boriello, Di Natale, Del Piero, and Quagliarella were all picked. This means only Ambrosini, Gattuso, and Pirlo will represent (no Oddo- due to injury-, Bonera or Nesta at defence) AC Milan. The Italian team will be very Inter and Juventus dominated. Well, actually Milan has about the same amount as all the other teams. But still.

What I've Been reading lately

Well, actually I'm reading the same thing, but the book called to my attention two great things.

A) Vujadin Boskov was a coach from the '60's to about 8 years ago. He happens to share a birthday with me (he turned 77 on May 16th), but that's not why he's getting an honorable mention. He's mentioned because he's funny! Examples:

"Penalty is when referee blows the whistle."

"I think that, in order to score, we need to shoot."

"Ball to us, we play; ball to them, they play. "

"Better losing 4-0 than 5-0. "

B) there are websites (in Italian) devoted to criticising refs, like Bryan Moreno (who reffed the game Italy lost to South Korea). The websites have pictures like these:

For more visit this site: http://www.fanofunny.com/mondiali2002/

Elk burgers

For my daughter's birthday dinner, we ate the first of the elk meat. Here's what my nephews had to say about the elk burgers:

"Richer taste than beef; excellent texture." - Max

"It tasted like generic meat, but the good kind. Not the kind that you find at a gressy restaurant at 12 am." - Gus

"I thought it was great. It tasted sweet, but that might have been the BBQ sauce." - OJ

Manny Ramirez makes a catch to start a double play

I'm not much of a fan of the Red Sox, but even I can't resist Manny Ramirez. Here's a clip of him making a nice running catch and then throwing the ball back in to get a double play last week against the Baltimore Orioles. Why is this so interesting? Notice how he makes sure to give the Red Sox fan in the bleachers a high-five in the middle of the play!




For more info, check out:

http://deadspin.com/5009336/talking-to-mannys-high-five-friend

and

http://www.thelostogle.com/2008/05/16/a-lost-ogle-q-a-the-manny-ramirez-high-five-guy/

All's done in Serie A: Game day 38

BOOOOO!

This morning, nothing was decided in Italy. Relegation, scudetto, and Champions League spots were all still very open. Unfortunately, some teams were on the losing end of the games. Inter, Catania, and Fiorentina all grabbed the wins (or draws, in Catania's case) they needed. Milan and Roma won, but their efforts were "truly academic," as their destinies were really determined by Fiorentina and Inter. Parma lost, sealing their own destiny: to return to Serie B.

Inter 2- Parma 0
Inter are the scudetto winners for the third consecutive year, and the 16th time in history.
Parma will be relegated to Serie B, along with Empoli and Livorno.

Roma 1- Catania 1
Roma finish the season second. Their win was irrelevant as Inter won anyway.
Catania narrowly escaped relegation (by one point!).

Fiorentina 1- Torino 0
Fiorentina pull off the win they need to participate in the 2008-09 Champions League.
Torino were safe from relegation and had little to play for. They could have given Milan a hand, though.

Milan 4- Udinese 1
Milan finish two points behind Fiorentina, so they will have to settle for the UEFA cup. This will make certain Italian prime ministers unhappy.
Udinese were also playing for very little, as they have already qualified for the UEFA cup.




Above (right to left): Pato, Pirlo, and Kaka celebrate after Pato scores the equaliser against Udinese, Luciano Spalletti looks sad after his team (Roma) fails to win the scudetto, Javier Zanetti lifts Inter's scudetto trophy.

What I've been reading lately

Winning: At All Costs- John Foot

This book is brilliant, and makes me realise again that Italian soccer (football) really is for me. This league full of corruption and extremely high expectations is perfect!

Football, religion, and the Scottish Cup

Which football teams are mentioned in the Bible? Click below to find out.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2005/dec/21/theknowledge.sport

What I have been reading lately #2

To Dakar and Back - 21 Days Across North Africa by Motorcycle

by Lawrence Hacking with Wil De Clercq

I just started this book. It's about racing in the Paris-Dakar in 2001. The rider/author is Canadian. It has some pictures, unlike Ed McCabe's Against Gravity - From Paris to Dakar in the world's most dangerous race, which I read a few years ago. The pictures help. McCabe rode in an automobile and is an American, so that is another difference.

More bad news #1

Portland Timbers 0 - Seattle Sounders 0

Home opener for last year's USL champions, the Seattle Sounders. Also probably the only game they'll play at Qwest Field this year. I got free tickets, and we didn't have to pay for parking. It was cold, we were cold, and I should have brought my camera. Here were some of the chants, though -

CLAP CLAP CLAP SOUNDERS! CLAP CLAP CLAP SOUNDERS!
CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP SOUNDERS!
F@*K YOU, TIMBERS!
ONE DOWN, TEN TO GO! (When a Timbers player was injured)
WE PUMP OUR OWN GAS! (Washington has self-service gas stations, Oregon does not)

The Timbers brought a large contigent of fans with them, but they were all the way down at the other end of the field, so we couldn't hear any of their chants.

Please forgive me for posting an ad #1

They are selling shoes and other equipment

What I have been listening to lately #5

"El pibe de mi barrio" by Dr. Krapula

FA Women's Cup

In case you missed it, Arsenal beat Leeds 4-1 earlier in the week to win their record-setting ninth FA Women's Cup. Arsenal had about two-and-a-half million shots in the first half but the Leeds goalkeeper, Carly Telford stopped them all. In the second half, though, Arsenal scored three times in five minutes and that was that. (To give you an idea of how well Telford played, she won the player of the match award despite giving up four goals in the second half.)



For more information about the match, click on the link below:








http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/may/06/womensfootball

What I have been listening to lately #4

You know this song-

Fun at work #1

An email message from the school secretary:

If u here of a black lab running around the school, please let the office know immediately. We will call the dog's owner who is looking for him. The dog is friendly (but still has teeth) And loves children. The dog is wearing a red collar.

ONLY 12 MORE HOURS TO VOTE!

Only 12 more hours to vote on our first-ever Ape Canyon News Service poll - Who do you want to win this year's Stanley Cup?

It's at the bottom of the page.

Idea for a televsion show #1

Chelsea have not gotten much this year out of Ukrainian striker Andrei Shevchenko, but he's given me a great idea for a television show. Shevchenko's son, Jordan, has as his godfather none other than former AC Milan president and current Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (for whom Shevchenko played for many years at Milan...) So here's the idea, or, rather, several different versions:



1. Sit-com: Shevchenko and his model/wife and all his extended relatives suddenly and tragically die at some sort of family reunion. His children, Jordan and Christian (and let's throw in a made-up girl-child just to balance it all out), have to go live with their godfather, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. Imagine the hi-jinx as the Italian Prime Minister tries to raise three bratty kids while still running one of the world's most contentious democracies! (There's an American version in there, too - imagine if Ivan Rodriguez had asked G. W. Bush to be the godfather to his kids back when Rodriguez played for and G.W. owned the Texas Rangers - then imagine three darling Puerto Rican kids running around the White House, arguing over who gets to use the red phone, getting in Dick Cheney's way!)



2. Reality show: (I don't normally approve of this sort of thing...) Famous politicians are suddenly given custody of the children of dead professional athletes. Cameras follow them around to see what happens - braces, fights over the bathroom, trips to exotic foriegn locales, photo-ops with Henry Kissinger, etc.

Champions League: Cost for Fans

Well... the UEFA Champions League final is approaching, and fans are scrambling for last minute tickets, accommodations, and travel. The prices for all of these are through the roof... Travel agencies are the big winners here, I think.

Vladimir Putin has nicely allowed all valid tickets to act as 72 hour visas... Get in, watch the game, get out.

And nobody even try to go to Moscow soon... not for fun... not even for a funeral... Don't try to brave the storm of 50,000 English football fans...

I'm sure these randoms have caught your eye, so read these articles to get a better view of the situation (and by the way, if you have suddenly decided to go see this game you can buy a travel package and ticket for only £10,000!).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7376786.stm

http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2008/05/06/thinking-of-going-to-moscow-read-this-first

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/article/1010/42/362560.htm

What I've been watching lately #1

In alphabetical order:

Baseball Tonight (on ESPN)

Doctor Who

Pass Time (A game show on Speed Channel where contestants try to guess how fast various cars can go on a quarter-mile track)

Pinks (People racing to win each other's vehicles. Also on Speed Channel)

Pinks: All Out (A spin off of Pinks where they have a tournament to pick the fastest vehicle)

Premier League Fan Zone (They re-show a match from the previous weekend, but this time instead of real announcers they have the commentary done by a fan from each team)

That Premier League Review Show they show on Sunday after the matches are over. It has lots of highlights and excerpts and they always interview the managers in front of those same cardboard backgrounds. I'm not sure what it's really called.

The Sarah Jane Adventures (I apologize...)

Sportscenter (On ESPN also)

What I have been listening to lately #3

I don't know who these guys are, but I know the song.

When baseball met soccer...

I want to know what would happen when such baseball stars as Albert Pujols, met such famous footballers as Kaka or Cristiano Ronaldo. Who would get along... who wouldn't? Their needs to be a version of The Real World where they put different sports stars in a house... My prediction? Kaka and Pujols would mesh well. They both love God, they're both really nice and good sports, and stuff like that. Cristiano Ronaldo, I've heard he has a "wild/ party" side, which Albert and Ricky might not approve of.

Milan v. Inter: Match Report

A VERY satisfactory result... a win for Milan.


For those of you less in tune with the football world I'll give a brief recap of the actual game play:


Early in the game it seemed as if Inter had the advantage, but by the 20th minute or so, Milan had firm control of the ball and many scoring opportunities. Heading into the second half it was still nill-nill, but finally in the 51st minute Kaka crossed into Pippo who headed it in. Five minutes later, Ambrosini passes it in to Kaka who makes the game 2-0.


20 minutes later, Inter, who had never really given up, scored on an amazing, curving free kick by Cruz. This caused some worries, especially when in the last few seconds of injury time Jankulovski (who has been out with injury lately) fouled an Inter player, but they ruined a chance to tie the game. Thankfully.
Final score: Milan 2-1 Inter


Not many of my requirements regarding the game were met, but since Fiorentina lost, Milan is now in 4th place (a Champions League spot) and I don't care how they got there.


Super Pippo has once again shown that he can do no wrong lately. Alexandre Pato is my favorite player, but if I were Ancelloti I wouldn't play him either. I guess this makes 9 goals in 5 games for Inzaghi.


One last parting word: have you ever noticed how Ancelloti has no emotions or reactions to anything? You'd think he was bored or mildly disgruntled no matter what happens!

Which one is which?

Which one is the "real" Rafa Benitez and which one is the drawing?

Derby Della Madonnina

The Milan Derby, Internazionale v. AC Milan, is fast approaching. It's tomorrow, in fact. I have extremely high expectations, and there is much I expect to see before Milan pick up the 3 points for a win.

1. My first requirement is that Milan win.
2. Secondly, SuperPippo needs to continue his fabulous run and score another 2 goals.
3. Milan need to come from behind.
4. I want Inter to get a penalty kick. And Kalac to save it. He's pretty out of favor right now and I want him to have a chance to be a hero.
5. I want Pato to score in his first Derby Della Madonnina.
6. And I want that Balotelli kid (Inter's prodigy) to not score.
7. I want Inter to look really sad when they lose. 3-1.
8. I want Milan to have solid defense.
9. And meanwhile, I want Fiorentina to get pounded into the ground by whatever "soon to be relegated" team they are playing. Oh, it looks like they're playing Cagliari.

What I've been listening to lately #2

"Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" - Glen Campbell and Anne Murray

Happy May Day

From around the world!