Seattle Seahawks training camp update #1

Our goal here at Ape Canyon News Service has always been to be the world's number one source of sports-related news, commentary, and analysis. In keeping with that goal, our staff took a trip today down to the Seattle Seahawks training camp at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center on Lake Washington (see photo above). During the month of August, the Seahawks, led by coach Pete Carroll (pictured below wearing white pants), will practice numerous times each week in order to get ready for the upcoming NFL season.

Coming into this year's training camp, the Seahawks have three different players competing to become the starting quarterback-- last year's starter, Tarvaris Jackson; former Green Bay Packers back-up quarterback Matt Flynn; and recently drafted Russell Wilson. During the scrimmage at the end of practice, all three quarterbacks took turns running the offense. (See videos below)

Above: Tarvaris Jackson attempts to complete a pass during a scrimmage

Below: Matt Flynn's turn to throw a pass

Among the returning players who are pretty much guaranteed a spot in the starting lineup is defensive lineman Red Bryant. In addition to doing an excellent job on defense, Bryant holds the single-season Seahawks record for most blocked kick attempts during one season (four). 

During today's practice, Bryant worked on many drills, such as the pass rushing drill in the video above. His performance seemed pretty unremarkable; however, I was curious as to why Bryant appeared to be wearing some sort of pantyhose or stockings under his uniform. (See photo below)

Probably the biggest highlight of today's workout was getting to see offensive lineman John Moffitt vomiting on the sidelines at the start of practice. Moffitt had been having a discussion with fellow offensive lineman Breno Giacomini about the weather-- both players were happy about today's sunshine-- when suddenly Moffitt became violently ill and started throwing up (see photo below). 

Moffitt, who missed the last part of the 2011-12 season due to an injury/suspension for testing positive for banned substances, later on had to ask one of the equipment managers to unlock a door so he could take a quick bathroom break. (See photos below)

Above: Moffitt leaving the practice field

Below: Moffitt waiting for the door to be unlocked

(Click here for a recent video of Moffitt delivering the local weather forecast on television.)

Keep checking back for more on the Seahawks training camp, the regular season, and the rest of the NFL as well-- only thirty-three more days til the start of the regular season!

Below: A storage shed which appeared to hold shelf after shelf of Nike athletic shoes.

Walking the length of Seattle (and back), part two

The second part of the Ape Canyon News Service expedition to walk the length of Seattle and back took place on Thursday, July 11, 2012 (to read about part one, click here). This leg of the walk began at the temporary world headquarters of Ape Canyon News Service near Seward Park-- we set off north along Seward Park Ave S (which subsequently became Wilson Ave S and then 50th Ave S) until we reached Lake Washington Blvd S, on which we walked until we came to the outskirts of downtown Leschi (at which point Lake Washington Blvd S is mysteriously renamed Lakeside Ave S).

Below: The starting line

Our original goal had been only to walk as far as I-90; however, we made such good time that we decided to go an additional half mile or so to get to Leschi.

Here are some important statistics about this portion of the expedition--

• Start time-- 2:06 PM (by a strange coincidence, 206 is also our telephone area code)
• End time-- 5:26 PM  
• Total time of walk-- 3 hours and 20 minutes (two minutes longer than part one of the walk)
• Weather conditions-- warm/hot and sunny
• Total distance traveled round-trip-- approximately 9.2 miles

Above: Alexandra standing in an abandoned tire near the start of our walk. It is unusual to find tires abandoned along this stretch of Wilson Ave S.

Below: A sign we found lying on the sidewalk, also on Wilson Ave S

Along the course of our walk, we encountered numerous people who we knew, including--

• a grade school/high school classmate of Alexandra's who did not seem to notice us (too busy driving a car);
• my ex-wife/Alexandra's mother (she honked and waved as she drove by);
• a friend of some friends who was jogging (we exchanged hellos);
• two former students who were at Mt. Baker beach (they didn't seem to notice us, which was fine by me);
• the daughter of some friends of some friends (we made eye contact but no greetings were exchanged);
• a different former student at Mt. Baker beach on the way back (I suspect he may have noticed me); and
• a former instructional assistant at my daughter's elementary school who pulled her car over to ask if we were who she thought we were (we were).

In addition, we found a large bush that had one hollowed-out section with a mysterious photo inside. (see photo below-- click on the photo for a closer view)

Below: A view of Lake Washington and Mt. Rainier

One important step we took to improve our performance on this part of our expedition was to bring our own snacks rather than relying on purchasing food from local businesses. Alexandra made us trail mix which did an excellent job of providing us with energy for our walk. On the way back, we did stop at Cafe Vitta to buy Alexandra an iced coffee drink, however.

Below: We cross the finish line

Next up-- part three!!!!

What to do about Bert #1

Over ten years ago, my sister and brother-in-law went to a fundraising auction for one of their son's preschools. While there, they bought Bert - he's over four feet tall and was once used as a photographer's prop, I believe. Instead of keeping Bert, they gave him to me (for obvious reasons). Bert has lived in at least two apartments and one house with us.



Since the day Bert first set one of his over-sized, brown-and-white shoes inside our door, my wife has wanted him out. Years of arguments have finally convinced me that, for the good of my marriage, Bert has got to go. However, I am having trouble deciding exactly what to do with him. Below is a list of possibilities I have come up with so far:



1. A Viking funeral (put Bert into a boat or canoe, set him on fire, and launch him onto Lake Washington)

2. Bonfire/cremation (on land)

3. List Bert on Craig's List for free



Here's the problems as I see them -- options 1 and 2 have serious environmental and legal drawbacks; options 3 puts me into close proximity with lots and lots of weirdos.



That's why I have decided to turn to you, the many loyal readers of Ape Canyon News Service, to help decide what to do with Bert. Please leave suggestions in the comments section of this posting, or contact the editor directly at yonsosa@gmail.com with your suggestions. If anybody can come up with a better suggestion than mine, they will have the honor of knowing they have helped restore peace and tranquility to my home.



Look carefully! You will find him!