Highlights from three different recent important matches that Milan won by a score of 3-0

February 28, 2011: Milan 3 - Napoli 0

April 2, 2011: Milan 3 - Inter 0

April 16, 2011: Milan 3 - Sampdoria 0

Tomorrow is the last day of the Premier League season

Tomorrow is the last day of the Premier League season. Chelsea are in first place with 83 points and play at home against Wigan Athletic. Manchester United are in second place with 82 points and travel to play Stoke City. Given this situation, why would the management of Ape Canyon News Service be rooting against Chelsea and for Manchester United?

In one word-- Pato. It appears that there is a strong likelihood that Pato will follow Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti (pictured above) to Chelsea during the off season. The best chance of preventing this would be if Chelsea lose and Ancelotti is fired for losing the title on the last day. Thus, tomorrow we will be rooting (improbably) for the devil.

Match report: Milan 3 - Atalanta 1

I didn't get to see this match, either. Goals by Pato (two) and Borriello. Pato also appeared to get injured.

Match report: Fiorentina 1 - Milan 2

• Goals scored: Gilardino 14', Huntelaar 81', Pato 90+2'
• What happened: Because this match had been rescheduled and conflicted with Champions League play, it was not shown on television. Milan were losing, but came back and won late. Milan are back in second place, four points behind Inter.

Match report: Milan 3 - Udinese 2

• Goals scored: Huntelaar 7', Pato 39', Floro Flores 45', Huntelaar 57', Di Natale 86'
• What happened: Milan kept scoring but also played sloppily, so they kept letting Udinese back in the match. I spent most of the match worrying about injuries.
• Milan players who could not play due to injury: Seedorf, Borriello, Antonini
• Milan players who returned today from injury: Nesta, Pato
• Milan players who had to leave early due to possible injury: Mancini, Thiago Silva (!)
• Milan players who appear to be quite rusty despite having scored a goal: Pato
• Milan player who made the pass that led to each of Milan's goals: Ronaldinho. The second one, a long pass down the middle of the field to Pato, was especially nice.
• Famous visitors to the San Siro to watch the match: Sir Alex Ferguson
• Strange sightings from today's match: Escorting the referees down the tunnel to the pitch were three men dressed as admirals/hotel doormen. (Sorry, no photo was available)
• What this match teaches us: Manchester United are coming on Tuesday.

Match report: Milan 4 - Cagliari 3

• Goals scored: Seedorf 5', Matri 9', Lazzari 30', Borriello 38', Pato 40', Ronaldinho 62' (penalty), Nene 69'
• What happened: Milan scored first. Then Cagliari scored twice. Then Milan scored three times in a row. Then Cagliari scored.
• Which goal was the best: Pato's
• Milan players who could not play due to suspension: Nesta
• Milan players who played very well: Ronaldinho, Pato, Borriello, Dida
• Milan players who played very badly: Pirlo. He was basically unable to run, pass, or keep control of the ball.
• Milan players who played very, very badly: Kaladze. He filled in for Nesta and contributed to all three Cagliari goals.
• Things Kaladze seemed unable to do today: Mark opposing players, clear the ball, execute the offside trap.
• Milan players who made their first appearance of the season and who look eerily like Seedorf even down to the white shoes: Rodney Strasser
• What this match teaches us: Without Nesta, Milan's defense appears to be terrible.

Above: Borriello scores Milan's second goal

Below: Ronaldinho scores Milan's fourth goal

Below: Leonardo congratulates Ronaldinho

Highlights are below:

Match report: Lazio 1 - Milan 2

• Goals scored: Thiago Silva 21', Pato 35', Thiago Silva 64' (own goal)
• What happened: Milan scored two first half goals, both on headers. They let Lazio back in the match in the second half when they scored an own goal. It rained very, very hard off and on throughout the match.
• Why it is good that Thiago Silva scored today: He has played well this year (except for brief moments against both teams from Rome). He has almost scored twice in recent weeks (an incorrectly disallowed goal against Real Madrid in Madrid and hitting the crossbar against Parma). He deserved this goal. (See photos above and below of the goal and the celebration afterwards)

• How the own goal took place: Zarate shot from the top of the box. The ball hit Oddo and ricocheted right into the running feet of Thiago Silva, who neatly rolled into his own goal from ten yards out.
• How Lazio reacted to the own goal: Lazio was rejuvenated by the own goal and had several excellent shots. Only fantastic goaltending by Dida kept them from scoring again. Lazio has had a terrible season so far this year and would have really liked to come back to tie or win this game.

• Number of Milan players who used to be captain of Lazio: One (Oddo)
• Number of Lazio players who had lengthy careers at Milan: One (Cristian Brocchi)
• Number of Lazio players who have names that rhyme with another Lazio player: Two (Cristian Brocchi and Tommaso Rocchi)
• Number of well-known former Inter players who now play for Lazio: One (Julio Cruz)
• Number of Inzaghi brothers who played today: One (Filippo-- he managed to pick up a yellow card for shirt pulling within minutes of coming on as a substitute. On the bright side, he was only called for offsides once. Note: The photo above is not of Inzaghi.)
• What this match teaches us: Milan have become very dangerous even though they still do not seem to have put all the pieces of the puzzle together. They are now in third place.

Above: Pato celebrates his goal.

Below: Leonardo congratulates his players at the end of the match.

For highlights, watch the video below:

Match report: Milan 1 - Madrid 1

• Goals scored: Benzema 29', Ronaldinho 35' (penalty)
• Why Milan received a penalty kick: Zambrotta tried to cross a ball in the box. Pepe slid across and blocked the ball with his hands raised. The ball struck either his arm or his armpit, and the referee awarded a penalty.
• Ronaldinho's penalty: High, hard, and to the corner. No goalie in the world could have stopped it.
• Number of Milan goals incorrectly disallowed: One. In the 36th minute, Pirlo was fouled at midfield. He quickly took the free kick and passed it up to Pato. Pato brought the ball down in the box, took a quick shot and scored. The referee waived off the goal. Why? Offside? Handball? Pushing a defender? None of these seemed to have applied.
• Overall tenor of the game: Exciting first half; tired, lethargic, and lackluster second half
• Milan players who played well: Ronaldinho hustled at both ends of the field, made some nice passes, and scored an excellent penalty. Ambrosini played excellent defense, taking the ball off Kaka at least three times. (His offensive play was not as good, however.)
• Milan players with the power to both frighten and amaze: Dida. On the goal, he gave up a rebound off a shot by Kaka. The rebound went straight to Benzema who scored. Sometimes he seemed incapable of catching the ball. On the other hand, his injury time save against Raul at the end of the game was outstanding.
• Milan player who got knocked around a lot by Madrid: Pato
• Madrid player who got knocked around a lot by Milan: Pepe
• Other rumors about Milan: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi appears willing to sell AC Milan if the right bidder can be found.
• What this match teaches us: Soccer players play many games each season and get tired after awhile.

Below: Ambrosini takes the ball away from Kaka.

Match report: Napoli 2 - Milan 2

• Goals scored: Inzaghi 2' (See photo above), Pato 6', Cigarini 90', Denis 90+3'
• What happened: Milan scored twice inside of six minutes. They then became casual and careless. Both sides started committing lots of fouls. Napoli scored twice in the last five minutes-- tie game.
• Milan players who left the game after ten minutes due to unspecified injuries: Nesta
• Milan players sent off: Abate
• Napoli strategy for the first ninety minutes: Appeal for penalties every time you get near the penalty area. Shoot the ball straight at Dida even if he is lying down in front of a wide open goal.
• Napoli strategy for the last five minutes: Score goals.
• Number of Milan goals correctly disallowed for offsides: Two-- one by Inzaghi and one by Borriello
• What this match teaches us: It is not possible to kill off eighty-nine minutes of a game.

Above: Cigarini scores.

Below: Dida looks at the ball after Denis has headed it into the net to tie the score.

Below: Leonardo looks sad as he walks off the field after the match.

Highlights:

Match report: Real Madrid 2 - AC Milan 3

• Goals scored: Raul 19', Pirlo 62', Pato 66', Drenthe 76', Pato 88'
• Goals disallowed: Thiago Silva 86'
• Raul's goal: Milan keeper Dida had just caught a soft shot. Then he brought it down and bounced it off his knee straight to Raul. Raul did not miss.
• Why Dida was even playing: Dida started for the injured Storari. Storari had replaced the injured Abbiati. Abbiati had replaced the injured Dida.
• Pirlo's goal: Pirlo shot from 35+ yards out. The ball grazed Iker Casillas' fingers but went in. The shot was so surprising that the television announcer did not realize that the ball had gone in the net. The Madrid home crowd did go instantly silent, however.
• Pato's first goal: Ambrosini put a long pass in to Pato. Casillas rushed all the way out of the penalty area but could not get to the ball. Pato went around Casillas and did not miss. This was Pato's first ever Champions League goal.
• Drenthe's goal: Madrid had many, many more corner kicks than Milan. This was one of them. Madrid took a short corner and Drenthe drilled it along the ground and into the net.
• Thiago Silva's goal: Milan had a corner. Ronaldinho took it. Thiago Silva or a defender headed it in. The referee disallowed the goal for no apparent reason. Much yelling, pushing, and shoving followed.
• Pato's second goal: Seedorf (who had an absolutely fantastic game) lobbed a short pass into Pato who was wide open on the right side of the box. Pato calmly volleyed it in.
• What this match teaches us: I have absolutely no idea what this match teaches us. However, this may have been the most exciting, satisfying match I have ever seen.

Above: Thiago Silva celebrates the victory.

Below: Another post-match scene.

Highlights are below:

Pictures of the Day: more from Milan 2-- Roma 1

Above: Menez scores for Roma early on.

Above: Ronaldinho makes a penalty kick.

Above: Pato has taken the ball around the goalkeeper and is about to score.

Match report: Milan 2 - Roma 1

• Goals scored: Menez 3', Ronaldinho 57' (penalty), Pato 67'
• Number of Milan players who made absolutely terrible, failed back passes to the keeper that resulted in Roma goals: 1 (Thiago Silva)
• Number of Milan players sent off: 1 (Ambrosini)
• Number of semi-dubious penalties awarded to Milan by referee Roberto Rosetti: 1 (Burdisso on Nesta)
• Number of teams that did not deserve to win: 2 (AC Milan and AS Roma)
• Number of loud explosions: 1
• Where you might find Pato these days: Near midfield, over by the right touchline, making everybody wonder what in the world he is doing over there. Probably only Leonardo knows.
• Place Milan are now in: 8th
• What this match teaches us: Sometimes teams play badly and still manage to win.
• Questions for further research: Does this team have any chance at all in Wednesday's Champions League match against Real Madrid?

For highlights, watch the video below:

Picture of the day

Pato at the Italian Formula One Grand Prix back in September.

Photo I wished I could find #1

In a recent post, I stated that I wished I could find a photo of Bologna's Nicola Mingazzini playing with his head all bandaged up. This morning I searched Google Images again and found such a photo--

.

The search terms I used were Mingazzini and head.

The disaster continues

Champions League Group Stage:

Milan 0 - Zurich 1

This game was not shown on television in the United States, so it is not possible to put up a full match report. Given the result, that is probably a good thing. Anybody who has gone to Brazil for the 2009-2010 season should consider themselves lucky that they do not have to watch what is happening to Milan right now.

Below: Leonardo

Below: Pato

Match report: Udinese 1- Milan 0

• Goals scored: Di Natale 22'
• Milan's offense: Milan held the ball for much of the game, but they did not look close to scoring, especially for the first two-thirds. Pato and Inzaghi looked sluggish and unimaginative. When Ronaldinho and Huntelaar were brought on to replace the two starters, things became more exciting. But they still did not score.
• A word to describe the match: Brutal. It was surprising that no one was seriously hurt.
• Best impersonation of Gattuso: Flamini for getting two yellow cards in under 90 seconds. (See photo above)
• It is not nice to point fingers, but other players played badly also: Massimo Oddo spent most of the evening ruining the offside trap and single-handedly putting Udinese players on onside. Also, Gianluca Zambrotta does not appear to be able to kick the ball with his left foot.
• What this match teaches us: It may never be possible to figure out why this team can't score goals.

(Un)happy birthday, Thiago Silva

AC Milan defender Thiago Silva (above right) celebrates his 25th birthday today. Unfortunately, during practice at Milanello, he suffered what is being described as a "muscular strain to his right leg," and may miss the next three games (tomorrow, Sunday, and next Wednesday).

Below: Ronaldinho, Pato, and Thiago Silva

Match report: Milan 1 - Bologna 0

• Goals scored: Seedorf 75'
• Bologna's game plan: To send no players into Milan's half of the field; to play defense and only defense; to achieve a 0-0 draw.
• How Bologna's game plan worked: Quite well, except for one brief moment late in the second half when they actually sent players forward to try to score. Milan immediately scored on the counter-attack.
• Number of Milan players who hit the goal post: 2 (Pato and Inzaghi)
• Number of Milan players who found themselves with the ball, unmarked, eight feet away from goal with no goalie in sight but who managed to shoot the ball well over the crossbar: 1 (Gattuso)
• How Clarence Seedorf finally scored: Seedorf got the ball. He ran at the defender. Then he ran around the defender. After that, Seedorf ran at the goalie. Finally he kicked the ball past the goalie and into the net.
• Last time before today that Milan scored a goal in Serie A play: August 22, 2009
• Photo I wish I could find: Bologna's Nicola Mingazzini playing most of today's match with his head bandaged.
• What this match teaches us: Only the very young or the very old can score for Milan this season.

Siena 1 - Milan 2: Video highlights from Saturday's match

Match report: Siena 1 - AC Milan 2

Milan started off their season today with a 2-1 victory in Siena. Here are the important statistics:

• Goals scored: Pato 29', Ghezzal 34', Pato 48'
• Goals scored by AC Milan which were correctly disallowed for offside: 1 (22'- Ronaldinho took a free kick and it wound up in the net. Either Pato deflected it with his head or obstructed the goalkeeper. In either event, he was offside.)
• Milan players unable to play due to suspensions from last season: 1 -- Huntelaar
• Surprising Milan starters: 1 -- Marco Storari (goalkeeper)
• Milan substitutions: Ambrosini replaced Gattuso early in the second half
• Number of Milan starters who appeared to be very tan: 11
• Number of Milan starters who still resemble actor Chevy Chase: 1 -- Marco Borriello (see photos below)

It might be hard to tell which one is which.

• Number of loud explosions : 0
• Number of Milan yellow cards: 1 -- Pato for dissent
• Number of amazing bicycle kicks that would have been goals except for great saves: 1 -- by Ronaldinho
• Number of Siena players with bloody noses: 1
• Number of Siena players with amusing names: 1 -- Reginaldo
• Number of excellent performances by Milan players that probably went unnoticed: 2 -- Flamini and Borriello (the latter especially on defense)
• Number of minutes played by Pippo Inzaghi: 0
• Number of times Inzaghi was called offside: 0
• Notable accomplishments: Milan managed to hold on to the lead for 45 whole minutes.
• Other notable aspects of the game: There was a lot of yelling, pushing and shoving after the final whistle.
• What this match teaches us: Pato might score a lot of goals this year.

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