Champions League update: Barca 1 - Inter 0

Above: Thiago Motta is about to receive a red card.

Below: Thiago Motta receives a red card.

Yesterday, Inter Milan lost 1-0 to Barcelona. However, they won the two legs of the Champions League semi-final by an aggregate score of 3-2. They will face Bayern Munich in the final on May 22. Here are some random thoughts about the match:

• Thiago Motta's straight red card for pushing Sergio Busquets in the face was probably not deserved. It did not matter in the end, though.
• Pique's goal for Barca was clearly offside. It did not matter in the end, though.
• Inter came to defend their two-goal lead and played even more defensively after going down to ten men. By the second half, Barca goalie Victor Valdes was basically playing up at the halfway line.
• Inter's goalie, Julio Cesar, is very, very good. I hate him, and I hate the fact that he doesn't play for a team I like.
• For a fleeting second, I was filled with admiration for how well Inter were coping with adversity. Then I remembered how much I dislike Inter and was mad at myself for thinking such ridiculous things.
• I am also mad at Barca.
• The current Inter squad are basically the 1990s New York Yankees of European soccer-- merciless, unrelenting robot/bullies who always win when they need to.

Above and below: Inter coach Jose Mourinho and Barca keeper Victor Valdes push each other after the match. (Video can be found below.)

For match highlights, click here.

Match report: Udinese 1- Milan 0

• Goals scored: Di Natale 22'
• Milan's offense: Milan held the ball for much of the game, but they did not look close to scoring, especially for the first two-thirds. Pato and Inzaghi looked sluggish and unimaginative. When Ronaldinho and Huntelaar were brought on to replace the two starters, things became more exciting. But they still did not score.
• A word to describe the match: Brutal. It was surprising that no one was seriously hurt.
• Best impersonation of Gattuso: Flamini for getting two yellow cards in under 90 seconds. (See photo above)
• It is not nice to point fingers, but other players played badly also: Massimo Oddo spent most of the evening ruining the offside trap and single-handedly putting Udinese players on onside. Also, Gianluca Zambrotta does not appear to be able to kick the ball with his left foot.
• What this match teaches us: It may never be possible to figure out why this team can't score goals.

Match report: Siena 1 - AC Milan 2

Milan started off their season today with a 2-1 victory in Siena. Here are the important statistics:

• Goals scored: Pato 29', Ghezzal 34', Pato 48'
• Goals scored by AC Milan which were correctly disallowed for offside: 1 (22'- Ronaldinho took a free kick and it wound up in the net. Either Pato deflected it with his head or obstructed the goalkeeper. In either event, he was offside.)
• Milan players unable to play due to suspensions from last season: 1 -- Huntelaar
• Surprising Milan starters: 1 -- Marco Storari (goalkeeper)
• Milan substitutions: Ambrosini replaced Gattuso early in the second half
• Number of Milan starters who appeared to be very tan: 11
• Number of Milan starters who still resemble actor Chevy Chase: 1 -- Marco Borriello (see photos below)

It might be hard to tell which one is which.

• Number of loud explosions : 0
• Number of Milan yellow cards: 1 -- Pato for dissent
• Number of amazing bicycle kicks that would have been goals except for great saves: 1 -- by Ronaldinho
• Number of Siena players with bloody noses: 1
• Number of Siena players with amusing names: 1 -- Reginaldo
• Number of excellent performances by Milan players that probably went unnoticed: 2 -- Flamini and Borriello (the latter especially on defense)
• Number of minutes played by Pippo Inzaghi: 0
• Number of times Inzaghi was called offside: 0
• Notable accomplishments: Milan managed to hold on to the lead for 45 whole minutes.
• Other notable aspects of the game: There was a lot of yelling, pushing and shoving after the final whistle.
• What this match teaches us: Pato might score a lot of goals this year.

For more information, click here.

Milan 1 - Juventus 1

Milan tied Juventus 1-1 today, pretty much ending whatever incredibly remote chance there was that they could catch Inter and win this year's Scudetto.  The tie also means that Juventus still have their own (remote) chance of catching Milan for second place in Serie A.  Seedorf scored for Milan early in the second half, but then Iaquinta tied it up only a couple of minutes later.  The most important statistics are these, however:

• Number of loud explosions set off by the fans during the match: 6.
• Numbers of times Inzaghi was whistled for being offside: 4

Photo above: Paolo Maldini, right, playing his last match against Juventus before his retirement, chases Juventus' Amauri.