World soccer update

Above: Inter manager Jose Mourinho runs onto the field to grab a stray ball. (There also seems to be a balloon on the pitch as well.)

At one point today, first place Inter Milan were beating Chievo Verona 4-2, and Roma were losing to Cagliari 1-0. The Inter fans began celebrating, believing that the Scudetto was theirs. But then Cheivo scored, Roma scored, and then Roma scored again, and the crowd became quiet. When it was all over, both Roma and Inter had won, so the Scudetto will not be decided until next weekend, the final weekend of the season.

In other news, Chelsea beat Wigan Athletic 8-0, winning them the Premier League title. Believe it or not, eight is not the largest number of goals conceded by Wigan this season-- they gave up nine against Tottenham back in November. (Remember this the next time some Premier League-supremacist starts going on about the UK being the land of fair play and competitive football.)

Below: Chelsea celebrate their championship

Tomorrow is the last day of the Premier League season

Tomorrow is the last day of the Premier League season. Chelsea are in first place with 83 points and play at home against Wigan Athletic. Manchester United are in second place with 82 points and travel to play Stoke City. Given this situation, why would the management of Ape Canyon News Service be rooting against Chelsea and for Manchester United?

In one word-- Pato. It appears that there is a strong likelihood that Pato will follow Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti (pictured above) to Chelsea during the off season. The best chance of preventing this would be if Chelsea lose and Ancelotti is fired for losing the title on the last day. Thus, tomorrow we will be rooting (improbably) for the devil.

Match report: Portsmouth 1 - Arsenal 4

Things have been tough for Portsmouth lately:

• They lost to Arsenal 4-1 yesterday. According to the announcers on my television set, Portsmouth have not beaten Arsenal in any competition in over fifty years.

Below: Eduardo is about to score Arsenal's first goal. His free kick will ricochet off the leg off one of the Portsmouth defenders and into the net.

• The team are currently in last place in the Premier League.
• Portsmouth have gotten a new owner and manager this year. Despite these moves, there is a real possibility that the team will go bankrupt this winter. I am not sure what will happen if that takes place. At the very least, the club will have to sell off most or all of their best players during the January transfer window.

Above: Fans protest at last night's match

Below: Portsmouth manager Avram Grant, in happier days

Match report: Bolton 2 - Hull 2

It is only December, but it is not too early to start talking about end-of-the-season relegation. Coming into this match, Bolton and Hull City were tied for 18th place, so obviously both sides wanted to win very badly. Bolton was up 2-0 in the second half (on goals by Klasnic and Davies), but Hull came back to tie on two goals by Stephen Hunt. (See photo above-- Hunt is on the right, raising his arms in celebration of scoring the tying goal. Bolton's Paul Robinson is trying, and failing, to keep the ball out of the net.) The match had all the energy and excitement of a World Cup quarter-final, minus the skill.

Post-match update: Following the game, Bolton manager Gary Megson was fired by the club.

The Premier League season has begun: Everton 1 - Arsenal 6 (Eduardo scores!)

This season, there are three English clubs that are thought to have a chance of breaking the Premier League stranglehold held by the top four teams (Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool, and Arsenal): Everton (because they try hard and make do with less), Aston Villa (I'm not actually sure why), and Manchester City (because they are owned by members of the Abu Dhabi royal family and have a lot of money to spend.)

Unfortunately, Everton had their first match of the season today, and things did not look good. They were annihilated 6-1 at home by Arsenal, and, obviously, looked terrible in the process. One happy note, however (at least for Arsenal) -- Arsenal's final goal was scored by Eduardo. Eduardo has not scored a Premier League goal since February of 2008 due to a hideous leg injury he suffered later that month in a match against Birmingham City.

Photos-- Above: Everton goalie Tim Howard fails to stop Arsenal's first goal by Denilson. There would be more.

Below: Eduardo scores an otherwise-meaningless goal in the 88th minute.