Late Breaking News Flash!

According to today's Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

"The Seattle Sounders FC and Soccer United Marketing combined to organize the match and brought in a natural grass surface that was laid down over the FieldTurf for the match."

So tonight's friendly at Qwest Field between Brazil and Canada will be played on grass after all, unlike the Mexico - China match a few months ago.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" some might ask. All we can do is shake our heads and try not to cry.

Brazil v. Canada (friendly) Preview

I'm going to give you a brief introduction to all the Brazil players who will be on the squad for their up-coming friendly against Canada this Saturday, May 31, 2008 here in Seattle.

Goalies-

(Julio Cesar)

Julio Cesar- (Inter), previously played for Chievo, Verona, and Flamengo. He's 28 years old, is married to a Brazillian supermodel/actress and has two kids. PS- we don't like him!

Diego Alves- don't know much about him. He's 22 and he plays for a team called Almeria. I don't even know what country that team's from.

Doni- (Roma), played for Juventude, Curzero, Santos, and Corinthians. He's 28 and one of the best goalies in Serie A.

Defense-

(Maicon)

Daniel Alves- (Sevilla), he's 25 and an attacking winger... hmmm, what does that mean?

Gilberto- (Tottenham), played for Hertha Berling, Gremio, Inter, Cruzerio, Flamengo, and America. He's 32 and his brother are also footballers... but not as good.

Maicon- (Inter), hey, we saw this guy get a nasty bump on the head the other day. He's bald... his name was supposed to be Michael Douglas at birth, but the hospital messed up and named him Maicon Douglas... not sure if I believe this.

Henrique- (Palmeiras) almost no info on this guy. He's 24 and his last name is Buss.

Juan- (Roma), the Champions League announcers said this guy's name really weirdly. He played for Bayer Leverkusen and Flamengo. He's 29 years old and described as a 'consistent' player.

Luisaoo- (Benfica)- he's bald too. He's supposed to go to Portsmouth in the off season.

Marcelo- (Real Madrid)- he's 20 and apparently he once quit football because he's so poor.

Midfield

(Gilberto Silva)

Gilberto Silva (Arsenal)- this guy seems like an interesting guy. He would be a furniture maker if he wasn't a footballer (it's the family trade), and he plays the mandolin.

Josue (Wolfsburg), formerly of Sao Paulo. He's 28. That's about it.

Diego- (Werder Bremen), he played for Porto and Santos before. He's 23 years older and he's 5ft. 8.5"

Elano- (Manchester City), he's 26 and is known for scoring from a distance

Anderson- (Manchester United), played for Porto and Gremio before. He made his penalty kick in the Champions League. Darn.

Forwards-

(Pato)

Luis Fabiano- (Sevilla), he's played for Porto, Sao Paulo, Rennes, and some team called Ponte Preto. He's 27 and apparently his mom was once kidnapped for 61 days!

Alexandre Pato- (Milan) formerly of Internacional. He's they're little prodigy... his nickname means the duck... when he was 10, he broke his arm in training and they found a tumor... ooooh... (oh, and he's like my favorite player in the world)

Robinho- (Real Madrid), played for Santos (didn't everyone), he's 24 and had 15 goals this season. Oh, and his mom was once kidnapped too.

Adriano- (Sao Paulo, on loan from Inter). He's 26 and was sent back to Brazil because of his partying and alcohol problems.

Rafael Sobis- (Real Betis)- he's 22 and has played for Inter (in Brazil), Cruzerio, and Corinthians.

Kaka' has knee surgery!

Ricky Kaka, after a season of pain in his left knee, was given arthroscopic knee surgery by Dr. Jose Luiz Runco in Rio, on Friday. (Unfortunately, he will miss the US friendlies, but I will live, as it is crucial that he makes a recovery before the season starts up again). The pictures above are of him arriving at and leaving the hospital.

What to do about Bert #1

Over ten years ago, my sister and brother-in-law went to a fundraising auction for one of their son's preschools. While there, they bought Bert - he's over four feet tall and was once used as a photographer's prop, I believe. Instead of keeping Bert, they gave him to me (for obvious reasons). Bert has lived in at least two apartments and one house with us.



Since the day Bert first set one of his over-sized, brown-and-white shoes inside our door, my wife has wanted him out. Years of arguments have finally convinced me that, for the good of my marriage, Bert has got to go. However, I am having trouble deciding exactly what to do with him. Below is a list of possibilities I have come up with so far:



1. A Viking funeral (put Bert into a boat or canoe, set him on fire, and launch him onto Lake Washington)

2. Bonfire/cremation (on land)

3. List Bert on Craig's List for free



Here's the problems as I see them -- options 1 and 2 have serious environmental and legal drawbacks; options 3 puts me into close proximity with lots and lots of weirdos.



That's why I have decided to turn to you, the many loyal readers of Ape Canyon News Service, to help decide what to do with Bert. Please leave suggestions in the comments section of this posting, or contact the editor directly at yonsosa@gmail.com with your suggestions. If anybody can come up with a better suggestion than mine, they will have the honor of knowing they have helped restore peace and tranquility to my home.



Look carefully! You will find him!

Avanti Popolo #2

Notice how the creator of this video carefully alternates between pictures of Che and pictures of hammers and sickles.

Champions League Final

Manchester United 1 - Chelsea 1 (6-5 on penalties)

The pitch was falling apart (which made a difference - just look at John Terry...); the rain was pelting down (always a plus); there were a lot of cheap shots with plenty of yellow cards and even, of course, a red one (moral of the story-- always keep at least one ruthless, annoying Argentinian on your squad to drive the other team crazy or provoke a fight - you never know what will happen...), the actual goals ranged from the beautiful (Cristiano Ronaldo's) to the freakishly lucky (Frank Lampard's); the penalty kicks were thrilling (especially when Ronaldo's was stopped); and, of course, the wrong team won.



Since I am lucky enough to have a job and live on the west coast of the United States, I had to tape the match and watch it some six hours after it had taken place. It was hard to imagine that the rest of the world already knew what we happening and I was still just finding out.




Everyone knows that settling a match like this on penalties is an absolute atrocity - imagine ending the seventh game of the World Series on a home run hitting competition or the Super Bowl with a Punt-Pass-Kick contest - but it was nice to see two teams I don't really like being put through the winger.



If Chelsea had put in Shevchenko, he could have taken that penalty instead of John Terry.

More bad news #2